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  The Ideal Candidate
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Last EditedArmyDem  Jul 11, 2003 06:24pm
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News DateFriday, July 11, 2003 06:00:00 AM UTC0:0
Description"Bring 'em on."
—President Bush, daring Iraqi guerrillas to attack U.S. troops.

In New Hampshire a Harry-and-Louise-style radio ad is being broadcast featuring a couple designing the perfect candidate to run against George W. Bush. My version follows.

Man: It needs to be someone with credibility on national security.

Woman: How does this grab you—the former Supreme Commander of NATO!

M: Why not? And let's make him first in his class at West Point.

W: And a Rhodes Scholar.

M: And a thrice-wounded decorated veteran of the Vietnam War.

W: Pro-choice.

M: Pro-affirmative action.

W: With private-sector experience leading a company specializing in alternative-energy research to end our dependence on imported oil.

M: And to leave a cleaner environment for our kids.
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