Rockport, Massachusetts , United States
|| June 03, 1961
Sep 09, 2020 12:04am
|Info||Circa 2004: |
"We are not making this up: there was a guy is running for President in 2004 under the name "Vermin Supreme." In fact, he qualified for a spot -- with that name -- on the January 13, 2004 primary ballot in the District of Columbia (8th place - 144 votes). How did he pick his name? "All politicians are, in fact, vermin. I am the Vermin Supreme, therefore I am the most qualified candidate in this race ... Yes, I am a politician, that's my job. Of course, as a politician, I shall lie to you because I am a politician and have no reason not to," he wrote. His campaign theme: "Vermin Supreme represents many abstract emotionally charged buzzwords -- such as freedom, justice, law, order, liberty and democracy -- just to name a few." A large part of his platform relates to promoting better dental hygiene ("Stong Teeth for a Strong America"). To make sure the American people regularly brush and floss, he promises: "Warrantless random no knock dental inspections; Government issued toothpaste containing addictive yet harmless substances; Video surveillance through two way bathroom mirrors; Electronic tracking, moisture and motion sensor devices in all toothbrushes ... or even preventative dental maintenance detention facilities." Our favorite among his proposals: "Gene splicing to create a race of winged monkeys to act as tooth fairies." His other campaign promises include: "To do something about the weather ... Massive and arbitrary censorship of anything found offensive by an appointed truth and morality squad ... Making dangerous weapons available to anyone who wants them ... Polygraph, drug tests and loyalty oaths for all citizens, along with the issuance of citizen identity cards, radio transmitter implants and laser fingerprint tattoos to keep track of you and your children, for your protection ... Legalization of prostitution and gambling along with the promotion of professional sports, video arcades, and crack houses together with other mindless forms of diversion to help you take your mind off what's really going on ... To appoint lots of committees to look into all sorts of things ... To tax the bejeezus out of everything ... [and] Free pizza and beer for everybody." His campaign (which was limited to the DC primary) was clearly intended to be humorous, and Vermin used his campaign web site -- linked above -- to make lots of jokes."